Ros 1961 to 2012
I distinctly remember a friend of mine—a good amateur
paleontologist—back in the late 90s talk about going out of town to meet up
some like minded people he had met through an internet group. I laughed until I
cried. “You’re not actually going to meet a bunch of internet dorks!?”
I still dislike the notion of such a thing. I guess I never
considered internet friends to be “real” friends. They were more like acquaintances.
And I’ve had many such acquaintances over the years that I’ve met through my
YouTube channels and blogging as well as my George MacDonald site. I’ve answered
hundreds of emails from George MacDonald fans. But I never once considered
having a cup of coffee with anyone I met on the internet. That is, until I met
Ros.
Not that it would ever happen. She lived in
England, and chances are I would never set foot
in Europe, nor she in the States (although I think she did visit the
USA once before
I met her). Unlike many people I had encountered on the internet, Ros had a
less than dorky way about her. She was a very fun loving Catholic girl who enjoyed
everything about CS Lewis, and she was in love with the movie
Shadowlands. She used the title as her
internet handle for blogging. I think she could have watched it every day
really. She bought a book I had out about George MacDonald, more of a study
guide than anything really, and not a very good one at that. But she wanted to
know more about the man who had inspired Lewis.
Ros wrote to me often over the years. She was always very encouraging
and often knew just what to say when I was unhappy. She was the embodiment of effervescence.
But her happiness came in the face of adversity. Her marriage ended some years
ago, and two of her sons had terrible physical problems. Her youngest, who I
believe is about 17 now, was homebound, and the doctors didn’t seem to be doing
him much good. Then one of her older boys was jumped a couple of years ago and
beaten badly one night, suffering horrible head trauma that might afflict him
for life.
All this contributed to what Ros called her thorn in the
flesh. She began drinking heavily and couldn’t seem to find her way out. I
normally wouldn’t talk about this, but it’s on her blog for all the world to
see. Rather than hide it, she sought the prayers of those who knew and cared
about her. She fought with it and agonized over it daily. I recall at one point
she drank in her garden one evening until she passed out and found herself
covered with snow the next morning. Her drinking was
that bad. I can safely say that I have never met anyone who tried
so hard to rid themselves of an addiction. She wondered why God wouldn’t take
it from her. It wasn’t for lack of prayers. Nor for lack of good deeds. She
worked in homeless shelters and many charitable causes. It was something she
couldn’t beat on her own.
Ros would sometimes get flustered with the internet and
would sign off for months at a time. I hadn’t heard from her for quite a while
though and searched around a bit today to see if anyone else had heard anything
only to find out that she died back in September. Her brother left a blog
page in tribute to her. He doesn’t mention the circumstances of her death, but those
of us who knew her can probably surmise that it was alcohol related.
Why didn’t God take this compulsion to drink away from her?
Yes, that’s the question isn’t it. I wonder, did
St. Paul take his thorn in the flesh to the
grave too? Actually, I imagine he did. One thing I can tell you from the
writings of
St Paul
and St Ros both is that they loved their God in spite of it. Perhaps that's all God is concerned with. Will we, like Job, still love him in spite of our suffering?
Ros once told me that she had dreamed one night that I was
standing at her door stoop. In fact, it’s why she read my book. She thought it
was a message from God. She figured I was there to help her in some way. I
guess it never dawned on her that God would bring me into her life so that she
could help
me.
I’ve had other “real” internet friends since Ros and will certainly have others. But she remains very special to me. I will be very
proud to have a cup of coffee with her in heaven one fine day.
Looking after children at Norfolk County Council